In commemoration of the investing equivalent of a black hole that was Bernie Madoff and his recent ceremonial transfer to a medium security prison in Atlanta, we are coming out with a fun, memorial gift idea to the thief of the millennium.
Modelworks, a Phoenix toy company, has decided to capitalize on the general ill-will of pretty much the entire planet against Bernie, and has come out with a “Smash-Me Bernie” doll, complete with hammer for actual smashing. The genius of the toy is threefold:
1) At $99.95, all Modelworks has to do is sell half a billion of these babies to gross the sum that Madoff vacuumed out of the economy. Go Modelworks! Maybe we’ll start a counter.
2) As the purpose of the toy is to be smashed beyond recognition or repair, the end result of the stress releaser is that the consumer is left without the toy, forcing him to buy a new one, thereby increasing sales.
3) Bernie’s wearing a devil’s suit.
How about some more poetic justice: The prison facility where Madoff will begin his lucrative career as a prisoner, working in the laundry room at a few cents an hour and probably not handling the finances or investments of his fellow inmates (“I’d like to buy 200 shares of Dirty Prison Towels Inc., Bernie. Get it on margin for me, will ya?”) is the same prison where, a century earlier in 1910, Charles Ponzi himself happened to be incarcerated as well. Maybe they’ll even share the same room. Maybe there is a smidgeon of order in chaos.
To our detriment, Madoff, 71, is scheduled to be released in 2159. Though I wouldn’t worry. I figure, by that time, we will have paid off his $50 billion debt to society from the proceeds he will have procured as a prison laundry room worker. Until then, we’ll be smashing your likeness with a hammer at a hundred bucks a pop.
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